Black Ice
by morethanjustausername
Summary: Noodle drags Murdoc along with her to an ice show, much to Murdoc's distaste. While looking for a restroom, he overhears someone singing in the locker room's shower. He stays to listen, drawn to the voice. Will he manage to convince the strange blue-haired boy to sing for his band? No yaoi, no pairings. Beta-read by GorillazObsessor.
1. Singin' in the Shower, are we?

**First of all, I want to thank my Beta Reader GorillazObsessor, who worked hard to make this better. I just wasn't satisfied with it, and if anyone has noticed any errors, please tell me. I know this plot idea is a bit odd, but it popped into mind and I have nothing better to do than write it. If anyone likes Gorillaz RP, check out my forum! Yeah, thats about it.**

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_~The story thus far~_

Skating was much more than a hobby for me. It was also a getaway from my overbearing parents, bullies at school, and whales. What? There are no whales at the skating rink! Frozen water, duh..! Maybe that was one of the reasons I liked skating so much. At home, I was constantly being confined.

_"No, Stuart. The television will rot your brain,"_ my mum would say.

_"Hey, son! Quit reading that book and help me at the carnival!"_ my dad would yell from the garage.

Conflicting, no?

I was never allowed to go outside or play with my friends, not after I fell out of that tree eight years ago. Eight years of not being allowed to go into the back yard, eight years of never going to any of my friends' houses. I couldn't be in the kitchen, or else I would 'get in the way of Mum', I was not allowed in the garage, so I 'wouldn't disturb Dad'. Forget watching the telly or reading any books! All I was really allowed to do was go into skating and play the keyboard, but just barely.

When I was seven, my parents bought me a Casio to keep my mind off of the constant migraines I'd have, and when I was twelve, my parents took me (but not any of my friends, of course) to the skating rink. There was a contest, well, a drawing more like, and I entered. The prize was free figure skating lessons for a year, and I won. Safe to say, my parents were not impressed, but I begged them to let me go. Like learning the keyboard, I took to them well, and soon became very skilled. Even my parents were impressed, and agreed to keep me in lessons.

With me at the house less and less, my Mum and Dad became less concerned with me, eventually letting me take the public bus to the rink. This was a huge thing for me, and eventually my parents stopped coming to my practices altogether. It seemed they went from overbearing to...err...underbearing? By the time I was thirteen, they barely ever talked to me anymore. I got good enough to compete in competitions, and went around the UK touring. I'm pretty sure my parents didn't even notice I was gone half the time.

Most of my time was spent in hotels, and rarely at school. I dropped out at fourteen to focus completely on the rink. It wasn't that big of a deal for me, as I was never very into school. The best marks I ever got were in English, in the poetry units. Oddly enough, I was good at that, though I was made fun of for it. I got made fun of a lot. I have blue hair, for god's sake! I got picked on for everything. I was every bully's dream, with my blue hair and girlish physique. Not to mention I figure skated!

I even had a manager, who, for a cut of the money I made in competitions, managed my schedule. His name was Norman Spach, and he happened to be the owner of the music shop I bought my keyboard at. We weren't really all that close, but he got the job done.

That is pretty much my life story. Interesting, right? WRONG!

* * *

"But Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuurdoc! You promised!" Noodle shouted at me.

"I am not, and I repeat NOT going to see people skate! What do I look like to yew, a woman?"

Noodle glared at me.

"If you say no one more time, Murdoc-san, I will tell Russel."

"Yew wouldn't!"

"RUSSEL!"

"Okay, okay! Fine, I'll go!" I said, desperately wanting her to call off her 'hound'.

Russel stomped in wearing nothing but a towel and a shower cap. I had no idea they made towels that big! I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

"What is it, baby-girl? Did he try something?" Russel asked suspiciously.

"Oh no, Russel-san. I was just wondering if you were home!" Noodle replied cheerily.

I was surprised and a bit unnerved at how easily she could lie.

"Oh.. Alright then."

He turned and thumped away, rubber duckie in hand.

I turned to Noodle.

"So when is this show?"

* * *

After a long car ride to a stupid rink that was about a million miles from my house, with Noodle insisting on listening to her weird Japanese music the whole way, my head was close to exploding. I was still bummed about actually having to go to this stupid thing, but Russel's fist drives a hard bargain. I pulled up into the rink's parking lot.

I was genuinely surprised at the number of cars in the lot. I had to enlist Noodle's help finding a spot, and managed to race a guy in a civic for it. He was right mad, and threatened to report me to ICBC. I laughed, flipped him off, and got out of the car. He ran away, thus ending our little tiff.

"Murdoc-san, you cannot go around starting fights with everyone!"

"I can and I will."

Noodle rolled her eyes and walked across the lot to the rink, leaving me standing at the vehicle like a scolded hound.

"Hey!" I shouted, and ran after her.

I caught up to her right as we came up to a double door, and ended up getting hit in the face with it. Down I went, and all of a sudden Noodle did not seem mad at me anymore.

How nice.

* * *

Uuugh. We had been sitting here for at least an hour, watching people skate around. Sure, they were good, but could it kill them to skate to a little Zepplin? Noodle commented on their performances, occasionally cringing when a move was executed poorly. By then, I was bored out of my mind.

"Noods, I have to pee." I said blankly, and stood up in my seat.

"Well don't do it here!" she whispered hysterically.

"I wasn't gonna!"

"..."

I rolled my eyes and scooted along the aisle, deliberately bumping into people on my way. I escaped the viewing area, and headed out into the main room. There was no WC signs anywhere! I squirmed a bit, trying to figure out what to do next.

"I'll ask the desk.." I said to no one in particular.

I walked to the front desk and asked blankly.

"Where is the loo?"

The acne-infested teenager behind the desk looked a bit uncomfortable for a moment.

"Uhh.. the uh.. bathroom is under uh.. repairs. But you could probably use the..uhh.. restricted bathrooms."

"Restricted bathrooms?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Uhh...yeah. The one the athletes use.. You, uhh, will need a key.." He grabbed around in a shoebox for a second "This one.." he said, presenting it to me.

"I uhh...need that back after, sir."

"Okay, whatever." I said, and snatched up the key.

"It's in the room marked uhh, restricted!" he said.

I nodded and fast-walked to the right door. I unlocked it and quickly pushed it open, revealing a bathroom/locker room sort of set up. There were a row of lockers, most of them holding clothing and ice skates. A few scratched-up benches were in the middle of the room, and I noticed the floor was covered with some sort of black rubber, most likely to keep the skates from scratching it. A row of showers were in there too, and I could hear one of them on. I spied a room marked 'WC'.

Remembering I had to pee, I bolted over to it, pulling the door closed behind me.

Sweet relief.

Once finished, I walked back out. I could still hear the one shower going, but there was something else too. Something..musical? I glanced at the shower. There was a steel door on it, of course, so I couldn't see in. Good thing, too. I was pretty sure a guy was in there. I sneaked a bit closer, wanting to know what this fool was singing in the shower. I made sure I was quiet, as people did not take kindly to people listening to them in the shower.

_"This old town's changed so much... Don't feel like I belong..."_ he sang.

I recognized the song, but it was a lot more haunting when this mystery man sang it.

_"Too many protest singers... Not enough protest songs..."_

Yes, I definitely knew this song. It was called 'A Girl Like You' or something. I had always liked it for its eerieness, but this was a whole new level. It gave me chills. I sat down on a bench, and just listened.

_"And now you've come along... Yes you've come along. And I've never met a girl like you before..."_ He finished.

I had to resist the urge to clap, but my mind was not at rest.

Before I continue, let me tell you a little something first. Noodle, Russel and I all lived in a flat together. We were room mates, to be exact. It was a lucky coincidence that we all played instruments. It sounds cheesy, I know, but we had fun jamming, so suck it up. Russel played drums, and had a... 'friend' that rapped. Noodle played guitar, and I played bass. Since Russ' friend couldn't always be there to rap, we didn't always have a vocalist. Noodle knew little English, and my voice is only for the true connoisseur, so we had a serious problem.

I really wanted to start a band, but all the singers' I could find were hippies. I hate hippies, so we were stuck. That's all I wanted to say, so I will continue.

I was beginning to get very interested it the shower guy. The water stopped running suddenly and I jumped. This guy would freak if he saw me just sitting here! Stalker, much! I saw a skinny arm reach over the door and grab a towel from a hook beside it. I jumped up and bolted to one of the showers beside the mystery man. I closed the door most of the way, and peered out of the crack.

His door unlocked, then opened with a burst of steam. Out walked the strangest looking teenager I had ever seen! He looked tall, but that was actually an illusion. He had to have been around my height, perhaps shorter, (and a lot thinner) but he had these impossibly long legs that made him look like he was over six feet tall. That was not even the most unusual thing about him! He had blue hair! Blue!

He grabbed another towel from the rack and dried his hair. This was the person who was singing? He walked over to a locker and flung it open, revealing a pile of neatly-folded clothes and a pair of skates. So he was one of the guys performing? My apprehension towards the competition left me in a flash.

All of a sudden, some big guy with a wisp of sandy hair barged into the room, scaring the shite out of both me and the teenager.

"Stuart! Why are you still in a towel?! You're up in ten minutes! HURRY UP!" he hollered.

"I-Ihm sor'y mistah Spach!" Stuart sputtered.

He seemed a bit frightened of Mr. Spach, whom I assumed to be his manager. The fat man left, muttering something about 'sodding teenagers'. Stuart hurried off to a change room with a pile of clothes, emerging less than thirty seconds later in tight, black spandex slacks and a loosely tucked-in black shirt that hung low on his chest. He ran back to his locker and grabbed a pair of socks from it, quickly trying to pull them on.

Only, it really did not work. He only got halfway into hopping around pulling a sock on before he fell. I had to put a hand over my mouth to not laugh. How could this kid be a figure skater? He could barely stand up without wiping out! He seemed unfazed, and sat down on a bench to put his socks on properly. He walked back to his locker to retrieve his skates, which he put on with practiced ease. He carefully walked over to a door which I assumed led to the rink.

Moments after he left, I did too, not wanting to miss whatever performance he had coming up.

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**I think it totally makes sense that 2D would be a good skater. You guys HAVE to tell me if I should continue this, because I am not sure if it is worth it. Like usual, I need 5 reviews to decide this story's fate.**

**Taa~**


	2. Yes, he DID just Complement someone!

**How now brown cow? I have no idea why I said that, but I would like to thank GorillazObsessor again for her awesome Beta-readingness!**

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I raced out of the restroom, practically flinging the bathroom key at the nasty teenager I had previously encountered. I ran to the doors that opened out into the viewing area, and raced inside, my eyes barely having any time to adjust to the dark seating. Sure, the ice was lit up like a birthday cake, but, to my ultimate inconvenience, the tall bleachers were clothed in darkness. There was something else, too.

I had forgotten where I left Noodle.

Okay, okay... Think back. I scooted to my... left? Yeah... So I must have come from the right! Yeah! I started shoving past the people sitting on the bleachers, occasionally telling them to 'watch it'. I would have walked right past Noodle if she had not yanked me down into my seat.

"Where were you?" she whispered anxiously.

"Long story, tell ya later..." I whispered back, concentrating on the rink.

The skater currently on the ice was wearing a green-themed ensemble, and skated to some cheesy 'save the Earth' track, smiling in a creepy, 'come hither so I can bite your hand' way. I immediately disliked him, wanting more than anything for the next skater to come up.

Noodle seemed to have quieted down on her commentary, as the only sounds she made were 'ooohs' and 'aaahs', corresponding to the overall quality of the act. The green skater finished his mediocre performance with a cheesy bow, and skated off-stage. The crackle of a hidden sound system momentarily filled the room, and was quickly replaced by a distant mumbling and the clearing of a throat.

"All right, that was Pavlo Jose, everybody! Our next skater comes from Crawley, West Sussex, Please welcome: Stuart Pot!" the loudspeaker boomed.

The lights dimmed, and a barely audible ssshiikk was heard, likely from Stuart's skates. The beginning piano and drums started up, and I immediately recognized the song.

It was the same one he had sung in the shower!

He started up skating sharply to one side, then turning quickly to the opposite side, resulting in a tight spin, his blue hair flicking around. To be honest, if I had even attempted that, I would have popped a few disks. He jumped into the air and landed neatly on one foot, using the other to scrape up a cloud of ice crystals around him. He skated out of the resulting cloud, the ice looking like crystalline rain. He swayed to the beat of the song, twisting off when the tempo changed. At one point, he did a spin on one toe, and when he stopped, he kicked his foot out a few times, reminding me of an old-time ballroom dance.

Through out the performance, I noticed that he appeared to be singing along, but not just that. In this environment he seemed so free and happy, contrasting sharply with the timid and clumsy kid I'd seen in the dressing room. At the end of the song, he included a bit of air guitar, coupled with some complex-looking flips and spins. He finished the performance with a very convincing-looking air guitar smash, which I couldn't help but smile at. This kid had spunk!

Both Noodle and I stood up to applaud, along with most of the audience around us. The loudspeaker boomed again.

"That was Stuart Pot, everybody! Next up we have-" I stopped listening at that point.

Noodle turned to me.

"Wow, Murdoc-san! That kid was amazing!" she beamed.

"I'm gonna have to agree with yew on that one, Noodle." I said plainly.

Noodle froze, her skin blanching and her eyes wide. She looked at me, astonished.

"D-Did you just... _compliment_ someone?" she asked, as if unsure that she heard me right.

"That I did, love."

She was silent for a long moment.

Her eye did a little twitch, and she slowly swiveled her head to face the performers again. What a weirdo. It seemed that after Stuart's performance, the other competitors weren't even trying anymore. Most of them messed up in their routines, and others just seemed dull, like they knew that no matter how hard they tried, they wouldn't win.

It was glorious.

* * *

After the show ended (Stuart won, obviously), I peppered a few of his fans with questions like:

"Where does he train?"

"How often does he come here?"

"Where does he live?"

"Why is his hair blue?"

And other stalkerish questions. My snooping did come up with some valuable information, though. I discovered that Stuart trained at this very rink nearly every day, and that he mostly stayed in hotels. Nobody knew where his parents were, and, more importantly, no one knew he could sing. Nobody seemed to know what the deal was with his hair, but I could deal with not knowing... for now.

His fans seem more than eager to spill all the information I wanted to know and more. Thank Satan for obsessive schoolgirls.

* * *

On the drive home all Noodle did was rant on about how great she thought the skaters were, Stuart in particular. A plan had been forming in my head, and I needed her unaware if it was to go down without a hitch, so I played it up like I wasn't listening to a word she was saying, even though I was soaking up every single Stuart-related thing that came out her mouth. I'm a genious, no?

We pulled to the old mansion we fondly refer to as 'A Zombie-Infested Kill-Zone Plagued by Numerous Incurable, Deadly Diseases'. Mostly we just called it KONG. Even as I locked the buggie and walked through the graveyard to the door, my mind was buzzing. I don't mean buzzing as in the feeling I usually experience after drinking a lot of warm rum, I mean buzzing with ideas.

My brilliant plan was forming quite nicely, and I couldn't wait to put it in action.

You see, Stuart was going to join _my_ band.

Whether he liked it or not.

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**Gwoh ho ho ho! Review or PERISH!**


	3. Uncle Mudsy Does it Again

**Hey, I'm back! Sorry for the delay, but I have a real excuse. My computer actually won't log in anymore. Like, I can turn it on and stuff, but it doesn't actually work. Ya know what? (What?) I dyed my hair purple! The whole thing! Soon I'm gonna bleach it and dye it blue! Yayayay! YOU GUYS MUST GO TO THE ZOMBIE WALK I WILL GIVE YOU A SHOUT OUT IF YOU ARE GOING TO I PROMISE!**

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"But why?" Noodle whined, obviously displeased with the early hour I was waking her.

"Well dontcha' wanna meet him? I heard he will be there today!"

"He'll be there later too..." she mumbled, shooing me away.

"Maybe he won't, though..." I appealed.

Noodle pulled the thick duvet away from her face.

"Why are you so insistent on this, Murdoc-san?" the Japanese woman asked wearily.

I put my best offended face on.

"Oh, so I try to do something nice for you, and you automatically assume I am up to something? I am insulted." I huffed.

"I never said you were up to something.." Noodle said suspiciously, narrowing her eyes.

Touché.

"So let me get this straight.. You want to bring me to a skating rink situated an hour away from our house, just to possibly meet a fifteen year-old professional skater? This seems odd, even for you. You're being too...nice? No... Considerate!" she said, sitting up in her bed.

"Look, Noodle. I wanted this to be a surprise of sorts, but I am putting yew in skating lessons. I saw how much yew enjoyed tha' show, and I decided that yew need a hobby."

"Murdoc-san, I am twenty-three years old, don't you think that I am to old for skating lessons?" she asked, now completely awake.

"Pfft... Of coursenot! Now come on! Lets gooooooo!" I urged her.

She sighed.

"Fine, just let me get dressed, and don't you dare ever put me in anything without asking again!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaay!" I shouted, only hearing the 'yes' part of her answer. I ran out of her I got outside of her door, I realized what I had just done. I acted so immature! For good measure, I leaned my head back in the door.

"What I meant to say was: $%#'n hurry up!"

There, that outta do it.

"Nice save, Murdoc-san." Noodle shouted at the door.

I scowled and jogged down the hallway leading to the kitchen.

"Russel~" I sing-songed, knowing he would be in the kitchen

Skidding into the kitchen, I heard a quiet groan from the lard-arse, who happened to be melted into one of the leather-cushioned kitchen chairs circling the counter. He looked hung-over, but I knew for a fact that he hadn't gone out last night. Chicken hang-over, perhaps? He glared at me, probably assuming I was here to make fun of his weight or dangle chicken sticks in front of his face.

"What _-uuuurrp-_do ya want Murdoc, I'm a bit _-ehhhhgghhe-_busy right now..." he said slowly.

"Geez fatty, I just came to say me and Noods' are going out fer a bit, yew don't have to bite me 'ead off..." I said sarcastically.

He glared at me for the stab at his physique, but otherwise brushed it off. "Right then, just don't go gettin' her in trouble, ya hear?" he warned.

"Yeah, yeah,go back to yer chicken, lards." I said, walking off before I could receive an angry reply.

I darted back into the hallway, nearly crashing into Noodle. She gave me a look only an older female could, and brushed off my shoulder delicately. She was wearing black tights and a grey sweater, obviously prepared for the lessons I had innocently scheduled to be at the same time Stuart had his practice. It was my hope that she would fail so miserably that the teen would offer to assist her, and possibly be attracted to her. I mean, when I was fifteen, I would have been on her like Russ on burger coupons. Once he found a whole booklet of-

"Are we ready to go now Murdoc-san?" she asked politely, cutting off the rant you were just reading.

"Yeah. Just one question. How are yew at skating, luv?"

"I have never skated before, but I have roller bladed, and I heard that it is very similar," she answered, tilting her head to the side a bit.

To be honest, I myself have never set foot on the ice, except as a child when I was forced out onto the frozen streets to walk to school, but that wasn't a skating rink, just icy streets. For this reason, I was trying to prevent myself from being forced to skate by Noodle, unless completely necessary.

"Oh, and Murdoc-san, will you please skate with me?"

"What? I couldn't possibly-"

"But I will feel less silly if I have another adult there to skate with me..."

"But I-"

"Thank you! _Onegaishimasu_!"

DAMN! Right then, I guess that if he wouldn't make friends with Noodle, he was sure to try with me. I mean, as polar opposites, he would either like her or me. I really hoped he would like her, as it would be a bit weird to have a fifteen year-old boy friends with a twenty-three year old, no? I guess if push comes to shove, I will do what is necessary to carry out my intentions. That kid was going to sing in my band, whether he liked it or not!

Well, I really hoped that he would be willing to be in my band, because what kind of music does a kidnapped singer produce? Rubbish music, that's what. Then again, maybe it would make the music sadder, maybe more melancholy? Whatever the case, I could taste the impending action sure to come! I mean, I have a ludicrous amount of time on my hands, so a bit of good ol' fashion scheming would defiantly do me a great deal of good!

I pulled on my sweater and met Noodle at the door, casually holding it out for her. The Japanese woman practically floated to the car, and in that moment of gracefulness I realized that she might not even _need _skating lessons! If _she _didn't need them, then _I _would have to take them!

Sweet Satan..

* * *

**So, this is a multiple choice chapter!**

**Should:**

**-Noodle be terrible at skating, and gets lessons (Mudsy watches devilishly from the sidelines)**

_**Or..**_

**-Noodle be a natural at skating, and Muds ends up taking the lessons with a bunch of kids.**

**YOU DECIDE!**

**~Azure the Zombie**


	4. Norm the Jerk

**Blanket Disclaimer (because I realized I should prolly do one): I do not own Gorillaz or a skating rink, but I do own the plotline and original characters in this story. Gorillaz belong to Jamie Hewelett and Damon Albarn and the Zombie Flesh Eaters crew. If I owned Gorillaz, they prolly wouldn't be as good, I'm nowhere near old enough to manage the best band in the world.**

**Enjoy the chapter! :D**

* * *

"That'll be $18.96 sir."

"$18.96?! For skate rentals?!"

"Yes sir. Rink fee is included in that sir."

"Rink fee?"

"Yes sir, rink fee sir."

"Stop calling me sir!"

"Sorry sir."

"Murdoc, calm down-"

"STAY OUT OF THIS NOODLE!"

I heard Noodle sigh behind me, then slide in front of me. I glared at the purpley bits of her hair while she apologized to the greasy teenager behind the desk. I was about to remind her that we are paying customers, but she quickly shoved a crisp twenty note bill into his hands and dragged me off.

"Nooodle! I was bargaining!" I huffed.

"You were causing a scene. Can we just get our skates on and start the lessons? I would hate to be late for our first lesson!"

"_Our_ first lesson? This lesson is for _you_, not me!"

Noodle laughed and patted my shoulder delicately.

"You agreed that you would do the lesson with me! Do not lie to me!" Noodle said, becoming more serious.

Damn, she had me there. I relented and led her to a seating area where we could put on our skates. We both already owned a pair, and I was very glad we didn't have to be caught in those bloody rental skates. They were so worn I saw one woman's toenail poking out the edge of one! Yuck. I tied mine up quickly and tightly, not bothering to spend much time making sure they were perfect. Noodle however, took her sweet time and dantily laced her skates up, making sure to 'loop it just right' or some rubbish. I was getting impatient.

"Noooodle... Hurry up!" I whined. Wait, I didn't whine! I uh.. grumbled. Yeah.. grumbled..

Noodle glared at me from behind her thick bangs. With a quick little flick of her wrist, her skates were beautifully tied. I compared the messy knots of mine to her neat bows.

"That looks terrible Murdoc! Let me re-lace those.."

"NO! Can we just go already? I don't need to look like a bloody fairy princess!"

Noodle sighed and stood up carefully. I attempted to do the same, and nearly did a penguin slide. We hobbled to the edge of the rink, and I spotted a group of people standing in the middle. They were chatting amiably with a fat man (who I immediately recognized as Mr. Spatch) and the shorter, much skinnier person he seemed to be shielding behind his back. If Spatch hadn't been facing me and Noodle, I might have been able to identify who he was hiding so possessively.

"That must be the lesson group!" said Noodle, pointing the chatting people.

Well duh!

Noodle took a delicate step onto the ice glided forward. After a few uneasy glides, she was skating like a pro. I deadpanned. Well.. She obviously didn't need lessons. I took a careful step onto the ice, and somehow managed to stay standing. Now that I had gained some confidence (bad move), I put my other foot onto the ice. I still hadn't fallen yet so I decided to try to skate forward.

As soon as the metal blade of my skate moved, I was doomed. I was falling, so I immediately windmilled my arms and back pedaled. _That_ made me almost fall backwards, so I leaned with all my weight forwards. I was almost steady now, but my attention was suddenly attracted to a bright blue blur of color darting towards me. In an attempt to identify it, I looked up. The motion of looking up threw me completely off-balance, and my feet flew out from underneath me.

**THUD-**

Or not. No thud! Seconds before my back was to hit the ground, a thin hand grabbed onto mine and somehow managed to haul me to my feet. I latched onto the thin arm that came with the hand and let out a relieved whoosh of air. After composing myself so I wouldn't look like a complete git, I focused my attention on the person who had saved my arse (literally). I nearly fell again when I realized that I was saved by none other than Stuart Pot, the blue-haired teenager who's voice had drawn me back to the damned rink.

"Uh.. Are ye' okay mistah...?" he asked, his voice small and nervous.

It didn't seem like he had very good people skills, I briefly wondered why.

"STU' QUIT BOTHA'IN THAT NICE MAN GIT BACK 'ERE!" Norm bellowed, pointing to a spot of ice at his side.

Oh. That's why. I had heard about this kind of thing before. A coach or a rep or whatever would find a newly-recognized athlete to represent, then speak for them so often that they wouldn't know how to get on without them! Dastardly business, that is.

Stuart offered me a tiny nervous smile before turning tail and skating off to Norm in a flurry of blue. Great, now I was stuck on the edge of the rink with no help. Unless...

"EY NOODS!" I shouted as obnoxiously as possible. "BE A DEAR AND HELP ME OUT?"

Noodle went a few shades of red and attempted to pretend she didn't hear me. Ha! Nice try girlie!

"Nooooodlleeee~" I crooned, and she immediately covered up her ears and cringed.

Hmph. She obviously was unable to appreciate my voice, as it is only for the true connoisseur. She did however, stop her feeble attempts to ignore me, and skated over to my station.

"Yes Murdoc-SAN?" she said, putting emphasis on the honorific in a semi-threatening way.

"Help me out luv? I haven't quite mastered this asinine sport yet..."

Noodle sighed and stuck out her hand. I took it and she somehow managed to drag my arse from the sideboards to the middle of the rink to join the rest of the students, most of which were snickering at us. I shot some chubby kid one of my trademark glares, and he paled and asked to use the restroom. Noodle caught on to my 'shenanigans' and jabbed me in the rib with her pointy little elbow.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Niccals." Norm spat sarcastically. I wondered how he knew my last name. Maybe Noodle told him?

"Now if you and your girlfriend are ready, we can begin the lesson!"

"She's not my-" another jab in the ribs with a pointy elbow.

"Play along, that man is... how you say..._ interested_ in me. I told him you were with me so he would leave me alone!" she whispered quickly into my ear.

So that's how it is.

"Roight then, keep yer pants on." I grumbled at Norm.

"Well then," Norm addressed the group, "I am Norman Spatch, and with us today is champion figure skater, Stuart Pot. I will be teaching you all the fundamentals of skating with Stu's assistance."

Stu gave a small wave to the group. He looked uncomfortable around so many people (which was about 15 at the most), but happy to be skating in the first place. I gave him my most reassuring smile.

"We'll start off with the basics. First off is skating forward. Nothin' fancy, Stu here will demonstrate." he said, gesturing to the blue-haired teen.

Stuart skated forward slowly so everyone could observe the 'complex footwork' involved in such an action. I was pretty sure everyone in the group already could do that (excluding myself), so it seemed almost unnecessary. One after another, a few people skated forward, most looking like oversized birds in the way they stretched their arms out like wings. I let go of Noodle's arm and slowly skated forward. YES! Ahem..

"Well it looks like everybody can do that, _regardless of their skill level.._" Norm said, making an obvious stab at my earlier troubles.

I huffed and glared at him, but the gesture had no effect. His fat must have blocked it, the same thing happens with Russel.

"Now is a slightly harder move, skating backwards. I don' expect _everyone_ to be able to do this first try. Stu, do it."

Stuart crouched a bit and made an odd, sort of wiggle-butt move. It took everything I had not to burst out laughing, but I managed.

"As you can see, the main steps in skating backwards is crouching low and moving your hips..."

Once again the group attempted the move, but one guy fell over and bruised his arse. He was complaining so much that his mum (he was thirty, and still had his mum with him... why?) had to haul him off the rink and buy him a mug of cocoa. Skating lesson death toll much?

A little pelvic movement never stopped Murdoc Niccals (ever), and soon I was skating backwards like the best of them. Well... probably not the _best_, considering Stuart Pot was our co-instructor. Stuart flitted around helping people with their wiggling, and eventually came to me and Noodle. He smiled at Noodle's attempt. She had done it perfectly, but lacked a certain pizzazz.

"W-wow... yew're qui'e good!" he said offhandedly as he came to me.

"Well tanks mate, I di-"

"STUART get back here!" Norm yelled, cutting me off.

Stuart gave me a dejected sigh before re-joining the Norm, who had taken to glaring at me. What was his _problem_? Did he really like Noodle so much that he felt the need to glare a hole in my head? Sweet Satan people are annoying! I stuck my tongue out at him and waggled it lewdly, which really seemed to freak him out. Noodle scolded me for acting so immature.

"Uh.. anyway, the next skill we are learning is..."

* * *

My afternoon progressed painstakingly slow, learning new skills and such. Noodle was pretty much a natural and didn't mess up at all, but didn't really outshine anyone either. _I_ on the other hand, fell a total of four times (twice the class average) and tried my very hardest to annoy Norm and engage Stuart (or Stu, as I learned he preferred to be called) in as much conversation as possible.

Not once did Norm make a move to actually skate. Hadn't he claimed to be the one teaching the lesson?

It was Stu doing all the work, even though he was likely the youngest one there.

Stu who seemed terrified of disappointing Norm.

Stu who was gonna be my singer.

Stu, the fifteen year-old championship title holder.

I couldn't wait 'till the next class.

* * *

**Well then. Sorry for not updating for a while, I was busy being a person with blue hair. If you read this, do review. C'mon, don't be an arse.**

**REVIEWER VOTE!**

**Should Murdoc:**

**a) Stalk Stu. **

**b) Egg Norm's house.**

**or**

**c) STEAL THE CREST ON BIRDMAN'S HELMET! (I'm kidding, don't vote for this one.)**

**Shameless Advertising: Check out my DA account for a rad picture I drew of 2D! My username is Yamsrock.**

**Thanks to GorillazObsessor for beta-reading this chapter!**


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